LOSER DETOX (or, My Break-up Letter to Coffee) | JOSH IS A LOSER

June 14, 2012 ? 8:45 am

Dear Coffee,

????? OK, I admit it-?I miss you. It?s been two months since we were last together. Do you remember that day? I do. It was a Wednesday, and we started off at Starbucks together, you were there lookin?all good in your Venti?cup.? I needed you- I woke up in the morning wishing you were there with me, and I couldn?t get the day going without you. You COMPLETED me.

??? But it was never enough with you, was it? I was in so much pain because of you! If you weren?t around at 2:30 PM exactly, I?d crash. What did you DO to me? I know your caffeine content is supposed to raise my blood pressure and get my metabolism going, but you never told me about the crash. I loved the highs, but the lows were more than I could take.? And I know you?re a diuretic, but with you around, I couldn?t stay hydrated! How can I get control of my health if I can?t keep any water in my system?

??? That?s why I left. I had to! I couldn?t keep on with this, every day, multiple times a day. Like I said, it?s been two months without you (and I haven?t seen your cousin soda in a YEAR), and I want you to know I am FINE. No more waking up tired?without you; no more 2:30 crash; no more dehydration. I?m doing well without you?.I?m awake, I?m strong?I?m even less acidic. I didn?t even know what your acidity was doing to my guts- you were keeping me fat! Jerk.

Anyway, I miss you?probably always will. But, I?ve found that green tea fills the void, and I stay so active these days I don?t have time to be tired. I?m getting my health back, no thanks to you. Good riddance.

Yours NO MORE,

Josh

(Melodramatic? Yes. True? Every word. Give it a try!)

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Filed under Fitness, Food, Loser, Weight Loss

Tagged as Biggest Loser, Food, Loser, Weight Loss, diet, health, intentional, detox, coffee

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