Who's Running The Show - Personal Growth

by Steve M Nash
(Holmfirth, UK)

Article Summary:

I share 3 inspirational quotes with you on the theme of fear and pain, in a hope to make you aware (again, maybe) that you, the adult reading this, may not be in charge. Instead, the wounded child of your youth may be running very old and badly formed rules right now. Whose running your show - do you really know?

Who's Running The Show?

by Steve M Nash

Have you ever seen a film called Memento?

It's a film about a man suffering short-term memory loss. Leonard Shelby, played outstandingly by actor Guy Pearce, can literally not remember anything that's just happened. So he takes notes to remind him, makes up rules as he does so, and even gets himself tattooed - all so he can make sure he NEVER FORGETS something "important".

If you have watched the film, you will eventually understand how some of his rules are simplistically formed, and are often used in the wrong situation yielding tragic results. (One man lies to Shelby, so he makes a note to never believe this man again - WHATEVER he tells him!)

Cleverly, the film advances in 10-minute sequences that begin with the end of the story, and go backwards to the start. So the viewer never fully gets what's going on, either.

Well, Memento is a disorienting film to say the least, but what struck me like a thunderbolt when I first watched it was how stupid Shelby's rules were and how WE ALL DO THE SAME, too - how we all live by 'rules' created by 'disturbing events' in our childhood.

And most of the time we never even realize we're doing it.

Most of the time our fears and suspicions and even our anger seem justified because this is how we rightly interpret the world - that's how our personal operating system works...

"Many of us are frightened to look within ourselves, and fear has us put up walls so thick we no longer remember who we really are."
-- Debbie Ford

Let me make this personal, personal to me, and give you a real-life example of my own life.

For reasons I won't go into here - one can be too personal, too revealing online after all - I was programmed from an early age to believe, without question, that it was NEVER right to argue (fight, have conflict with) women.

So because of something that happened to me (and how I interpreted it) I believe I made up a simple rule that "conflict" towards woman was wrong.

Now can you imagine how hard it is to be in relationship with a woman, when your instincts so powerfully steer you away from any kind of conflict with her. You avoid arguments. You avoid conflict. You put yourself second, if you must. But you do NOT argue, fight or express yourself aggressively - EVER!

Can you imagine successfully trying to relate to anyone like this? It just can't work, can it! It's just not possible to suppress yourself like this without some kind of "communication explosion" occurring at some point. And yet that's what I've been doing with women - as friends, or as lovers - for most of my adult life. ALL because of a badly formed 'rule' that I never questioned, ever...

"Don't move the way fear makes you move. Move the way love makes you move. Move the way joy makes you move."
- Osho

And now? Well now when I feel a fear, this fear of conflict with woman I mention or another fear, I ask myself what the actions of love would do instead - I act from a higher place, whenever I am able.

So I do not avoid conflict, to go back to my example, but honor my feelings and express them AS MINE - and then I listen to hear the feelings of the other, AS THEIRS.

I no longer avoid conflict, which means I no longer go out of my way to please; I no longer build new (and inevitable) resentments, and I make peace with the old ones; I strive to express myself as well as I am able at all times.

I try to remember that I am the adult in charge of the show; that the pain of the child could be acknowledged, understood (and the child loved), but I am in charge...

"Wisdom is nothing more than healed pain."
- Robert Gary Lee

Growth is a painful business - life leave's its scars, for ALL of us. But pain, and fear, should not be our driving force, should not be what's running us.

Choose to be wise, instead - to know our pain, but to act from love.

So. Let's talk about you. Do you REALLY know, who's running your show?

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Steve M Nash is editor of http://www.SelfHelpCollective.com - what he likes to think of as a guru-free self help website, where you are encouraged to help yourself AND help others.

Subscribe to Steve's free Weekly Wonder and Monthly Marvel newsletter, and discover more of Steve's thoughts on inspirational quotes and how they can help you be a better you - http://www.selfhelpcollective.com/newsletter.html

Source: http://www.about-personal-growth.com/whos-running-the-show.html

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